Disclaimer: Nothing in this page is guaranteed to be true — it’s all hearsay!
Wednesday, November 13, 2002
Your fearless nosy editor is still behind on her chat logs, but she did want to report a couple of things.
First of all, a couple of days ago, Kallese and Hawk shocked other Neverenders with their brazen flirtation in the global chat window. I could summarize, but frankly it’s a lot funnier in the original.
Kallese: I have a vagina!A later evening saw Kallese catting around in an entirely different area…
Hawk: WOO Hoo!!!!!!!!!! Well, I don’t :)
Kallese: What do YOU have, Hawk?
Hawk: Hmmmm I think it’d be interesting if you guessed (oh like that’s difficult in this one)
Kallese: do you have…a…Penis?
Hawk: Hold on I better check…….
Kallese: oh please, let me!
Kallese: *checks out what’s in Hawk’s pants* It’s not a penis, it’s a gerbil!
Kallese: *tosses the gerbil aside, rummages around some more*
Kallese: I FOUND IT!
Hawk: Hey careful! That tickles
Kallese: ooh! Hawk indeed has a penis
Kallese: *looks for blue paper one last time in Hawk’s pants*
Kallese: I FOUND IT!!!!! I FOUND THE BLUE PAPER!
Hawk: I thought I had it hidden in there better…
Hawk: I wanted her to have to rummage longer
Kallese: *keeps rummaging in Hawks pants, just for fun*
Hawk: Woo Hooo!!! Ohhh careful that tickles…
Kallese: *pulls a cookie out of Hawk’s pants* can i eat this?
Samantha: Geez, guys… get a room already…
Kallese: how much do they go for around here?
Hawk: I don’t think you can rent one yet.
Kallese: i’m a little short on cash… i do most of my aquisitions in game with sexual favors
Samantha: Slut! Slut! Slut!!!
Hawk: LOL that works
Kallese: yaaay!
Kallese: it’s called SEXUAL FREEDOM!!!! I HAVE A VAGINA AND AM PROUD!
Samantha: You’re such a slut, Hawk.
Hawk: Why thank you :)
Kallese: what about me, Samantha!? can i be a slut too?
Samantha: I’ve already called you a slut before, Kallese! I’m not leaving you out!
Kallese: i have to refresh, so at least i can be a slut with timing…
Hawk: Ohhhh I like a room full of sluts.
Samantha: He’s sounding kind of like Majick now, isn’t he?
(enter Capablanca)
Capablanca: Hmmm, something’s been happening here, I can tell
Samantha: Yeah… Kallese the slut has been groping around in the pants of Hawk the slut. Highly entertaining.
Kallese: I’m carrying Ispoetica’s childOn a different evening, Kallese and Inspoetica had a bitter feud, suggesting that their affair is over…
inspoetica: who said I was a “he?”
Kallese: But but but…i want to carry your children!
Kallese: please produce sperm for me!
Kallese: *throws herself at Inspy’s feet. Please tell me you have a penis. Please tell me you will love me for ever and ever and ever*
Laia Odo: There’s always strap-ons.
Kallese: Inspoetica is refusing my advances. i shall resign myself to a life of wenchood from herein
Peter Verona: Will you adopt a celibate life, K?
Loli: Beastiality yesterday, this today…
Kallese: *ears perk up* if i say i’m celibate can i still practice beastiality behind closed doors?
Samantha: Pervs. All of you. I’m appalled.
Kallese: Inspy’s turned evil, and i don’t feel like stabbing him anymoreInspoetica, sunk in the depths of despair, muses on the pain he’s suffering, not only from Kallese, but other quarters as well…
Kallese: and just to be equally evil, I KNOW INSPOETICA IS A BOY
Kallese: AND I HAVE PROOF!
Kallese: he doesn’t fool anyone with his “gender” OTHER crap
inspoetica: wow everyone stabbing me
inspoetica: *bleeding to death*
Kallese: GOOD! I HOPE YOU DIEinspoetica: I don’t understand the bitterness I attract because of my richesWill Kallese extend her affections to any more Neverenders? Will Inspoetica rise from the ashes to love again? Will Hawk find any more gerbils in his pants? Tune in tomorrow for our next installment of, “As Stencilton Turns.”
5:18 PM [+]
Tuesday, November 12, 2002
The only gossip for today is that Samantha sprained her shoulder while she was flagellating herself for being such a lousy gossip column editor. She swears to do better and has several chat logs to peruse for gossip fodder, so check again later.
Furthermore, Samantha wants to know if any of the game regulars would like to participate in the gossip column. People who play daily or close to it would be most helpful. Email her at nia@brendelford.com if you’d like to assist!!!
11:51 PM [+]
Sunday, November 10, 2002
Kallese provided the evening’s entertainment with a sex trivia quiz. Questions included:
There were more, but this list was getting out of hand, so this is all you get.
- Forceful ejaculations have been measured to squirt semen how many feet? (two feet, won by Samantha)
- With whom would a gerontophiliac prefer to have sex? (old people, won by Capodistria)
- Which birth control practice is called “onanism”? (withdrawal, won by Capablanca)
- How many male sexual masochists are there for every one female sexual masochist? (20, won by Capodistria)
- What procedure is enjoyed sexually by a klismaphiliac? (enemas, won by Hawk)
- Of the 25 men who suffered a fractured penis, how did 3 of them claim it happened? (falling out of bed, no winner)
- What invention changed the attitude toward a sexual affair from spontaneous to premeditated? (invention of the condom, won by Samantha)
- What do scientists call a ‘micropenis’? (Penile length less than 2.5 standard deviations below mean for age and race but otherwise normal, tied by Samantha and Hawk, who was starting to scare Kallese)
- If you are being flagellated, what is happening to you? (whipped, won by Capablanca)
- Where do 3 million Italian couples make love because they have nowhere else to go? (the car, won by Capablanca)
- According to Masters and Johnson, what can help a woman have up to 20 orgasms per hour? (vibrator, won by Shiri Masen)
- What is about 1/5 of an inch long and covered by prepuce? (clitoris, won by Hawk, who supposedly knows a few things about clits)
- What is a scoptophiliac? (voyeur, won by Hawk, who’s starting to scare EVERYONE)
- Who sexually uses hate, where a normal person uses love? (The Truth won with the answer “sadist”, but everyone disagreed with that, including Kallese, who originally asked the question)
- Which last female ruler of Egypt was rumored to have fellated 100 noblemen in one evening? (Cleopatra, won by Samantha)
- In the book of Samuel, what does King Saul request 100 of in return for the hand of his daughter? (foreskins of the Philistines, won by Samantha, who was kinda grossed out by that answer)
- Which comic book character wore the Bracelets of Submission? (Wonder Woman, won by Invalid Max)
- What Woody Allen film contins a giant beast and a man who falls in love with a sheep? (Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask, won by The Truth)
- Which comedian’s routine was famous for the seven words you couldn’t say on television???? (George Carlin, won by Son-in-law of Sam)
- In prison terminology, what is a conjugal visit? (Sex with your partner, won by Grandpa)
- How long does it take a pig to deliver its load of semen? (10 minutes, won by Invalid Max)
During this momentous event, God put in an appearance to ask whether this world He had created was a PG-rated world. His answer to His own question? “I think maybe not.” Yeah, God… we think maybe not too. But you know… you have a store in your world that sells WHIPS!!! What do you expect?
In other news, Capodistria has purportedly put a bounty on James Holloway’s head. Apparently James was running around sliming everyone — a lot — and Capo offered a green sheet to any and all who slimed James in return. James Holloway: wanted, slimed or alive.
And that, kids, is it for the evening. Nothing else exciting. No scandals, no molestations, no sex parties. There was a brief appearance by Selva “You won’t see me until December” Morales, but she really didn’t stay long.
How about some gossip-worthy news, folks? C’mon… cough it up.
8:18 PM [+]
Thursday, November 07, 2002
Well, kids… today’s gossip continues to revolve around baser topics. And, for that matter, around the same usual suspects.
Inspoetica purportedly molested Kallese this evening by slapping her with a hemp handkerchief and frisking her with a manatee skin towel, and purportedly she liked it. Kallese was not available to confirm or deny, and Inspoetica refused to.
Capodistria offered a guessing game for some evening entertainment: guess his mother’s first name, which starts with an O. Jimmy got it right by guessing “Ophelia”. Capablanca warned her off involvements with Danish royalty. (Okay… that one’s not so base. A little morbid though, Capablanca… I mean, Danish royalty. Really.)
Submitted by a fellow player: “A recently discovered cache of empty massage oil bottles in the Media Shire motel led staff there to suspect Samantha and Capablanca are up to their torrid affair again.” Neither Sam nor Cap would confirm or deny — which seems to be the trend for the evening.
T-shirt suggestions of the day: Hard Rock Cafe Stencilton, “I’m Inspoetica from the GNE”, “Inspoetica is my Master, I have much to learn”, and, inevitably, Majick’s infamous quote from last night. That last suggestion spawned a flurry of conversation… Kallese allegedly huffed, “I would think the font would be some sort of scrawl…cuz he’d be writing it with his stump of a *** after some femme-nazi got through with him.” Tuna Bear responded with, “I can’t think of a 3-letter word that fits in Kallese’s ***.” Kallese retorted with, “Sorry, should have been *****”, followed by “Or you could have ****”, and finally, “Or *** **** ******* **** ****** *** ****.”
As if there was any doubt.
Random quotes overheard:
…and to think I was wanting turnip greens tonight… (Loli)
Watch where you’re pointing that thing (Cornbread)
Isn’t all this stuff at the police station someone’s installation? (also Cornbread)
This game is too fun, there should be laws against having this much fun. (Inspoetica)
I’m feeling thuggish. (Cornbread again)
Cornbread, might want to take the beanie cap off first…(Jewelies)
Those things look like a naughty toy….*ummm, not that i’d know* (also Jewelies)
Cornbread likes eating ‘marshmallow daggers’. (Inspoetica)
Okay, going to clean the kitty box, don’t say anything interesting till i get back (Kallese)
I heard Kallese likes semen-flavored mating season peeps (Inspoetica)
Shouldn’t there be a brothel in this game…..(Jewelies)
I’m just good, baby. (Inspoetica)
I heard Kallese is gay and likes the taste of semen from peeps. (Inspoetica)
Kallese, are you trying to get in the gossip column? (Jewelies)
Welcome to gossip neverending. (Cornbread)
And on that note, my pretties, this editor is off to bed.
11:50 PM [+]
Well, Samantha the gossip monger… er, editor… was out on a date tonight, but she rushed to Stencilton as soon as she got home, and Flippy Rice was kind enough to email her the past couple hours of the chat log so she could see what had happened. An intense discussion was held on the subject of performance art… Kallese suggested eating both harpsichords and disposable Swedish furniture; Jean Baudrillard mentioned a beating or bloody murder; and there was some discussion about Majick in a room with a sheep and a condom, but Samantha seems to have lost the information on whose idea THAT was. A different intense discussion was held on the hallucinogenic properties of Nyquil.
But the highlight of the evening was when Jean Baudrillard coined the phrase, “The Majick Mojo.” It seems that our dear Majick just might have a card he gives to his friends — and those who carry cards have certain, um, privileges. Majick responded to Jean’s label with the following orders to the ladies in the game: “Line up on the far side of the room, but sort out priority amongst yourselves. For faster service, I suggest getting together into groups for admission. Why wait in line when you can all go at once?” (And despite our claims that what appears in this column is hearsay… THAT, my friends, is a direct quote. I have the chat log. -Ed.) A variety of women then proceeded to hurl their bodies through cyberspace at Majick, who allegedly sat back in bed watching the fun.
And last but not least, Samantha and Capablanca — who have been going steady since the early days of GNE — were caught in a forest clearing in a compromising position. Suffice it to say there was a tree involved. And a plaid lumberjack’s shirt. And since that piece of trivia has been placed out there for the whole world to see, no one can say that Samantha is not the most TOTALLY unbiased gossip column editor EVER.
12:48 AM [+]
Tuesday, November 05, 2002
In a shocking turn of events, both Eglantine and Selva Morales surfaced this evening, despite their vows to swear off GNE for a month. Selva implied that she just checked in with the game while wrestling with writer’s block. Eglantine had no excuse whatsoever and just acted ashamed.
11:43 PM [+]
A sex party, organized by Hawk, was held Tuesday night at Ye Olde Steamy Window Shoppe in Shoptilyoudropolis. Items enjoyed by participants reportedly included condoms, whips, massage certificates and oil, mood lights, mirrors, booze, and sheep. Efforts to collect names of partygoers failed miserably.
9:23 PM [+]
We are beginning to see a trend of Twelves On Rampage. On Monday night, Cior went a little nutty and chased players around the GNE world, inundating them with worthless items, such as nitpickers and diamond-studded ‘Just Say No’ pins. When Samantha complained loudly and threatened to stab her if she didn’t quit it, Cior made peace with four enlightments. But who’s to know who will lose it next…
Rumor has it that several whips have been sighted floating around Stencilton. Are they spawning on their own, or might someone actually be (*gasp*) buying them?
9:23 PM [+]
I suppose it’s probably time to tell the devs about this, but I thought it should hit the gossip pages first. The eternal replication bug…
… isn’t fixed.
At least as of 7 pm Tuesday evening.
9:22 PM [+]
Monday night madness! The holiday season came to Stencilton early when a newbie named Twee found a way for everyone to give, and give, and give … within minutes, Civic Center was flooded with purple papers. God Himself made an appearance to sort out the mess and exhort users to give up their “ill-gotten gains.” Looks like Twee is going to be one to watch.
9:22 PM [+]
